Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
