After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize