wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
