Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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