wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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