just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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