Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
