There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
