so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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