I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
