did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
