hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
