he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize