so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
