cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think your dad took our porno
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
