you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Shame - the story of my life.
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