Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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