whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
