Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
