Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
