living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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