wanna go halves on a baby?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
