just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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