ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
this just has baby written all over it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
