Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
