Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
