this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
