Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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