Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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