Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
