Banned from zoo.
Again?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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