Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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