2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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