You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
