She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
