I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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