let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
