We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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