so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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