you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
