Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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