I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
