i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
