just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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