GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
