im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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