just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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