So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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