Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
