i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
