This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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