I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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