There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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