The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
