whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
