the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
