Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize