Im at strip club and am horny
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
