we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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