I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
