Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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