Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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