So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
