You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
