i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
