Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
