So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
