It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
